What's going on with me...

Well, let me just tell you! If you follow me on twitter (I think the few people that read my blog do indeed follow me!) than you know I have had some health issues recently and have made multiple trips to the doctor. So, here’s the rundown. Oh, and if you don’t want TMI about me, you should probably stop reading here.

So that was fair warning. Issue one is the abnormal pap’s that I have had with no indication of any underlying issue. No STD, no HPV, nothing. Although my cells are coming back as high grade abnormal (the stop before cancer cells) my doctor is not concerned. It does concern me because I have come back increasingly worse since my first bad test almost a year ago. My doctor believes that I will either get worse or get better and that I should just check in every three months until I do. As non-comforting as that is, it is what it is!

So, issue two. Apparently normal people’s progesterone is in the 40-50 range. Low is considered 10-20. Mine is 2.3. So, according to my doctor, I have something going on. However, what is going on is anybody’s guess. She said it is entirely possible that I never ovulated or do so sporadically and that could just be how I have always been but this has been masked by the birth control pills. She tested my insulin (normal), glucose (normal), thyroid (normal), white blood cells (normal) and a whole list of other stuff I can’t recall. What that all means: I don’t have PCOS (very common), she doesn’t believe that I have potential for ovarian cancer (very vague but hopeful?!?!?) and what I do have is …again…anybody’s guess. Unfortunately because of this I have very severe PMS-like symptoms for 3-4 weeks of my cycle featuring knock-down cramps, horrid nausea, just an all around awful time. Since all of this adds up to about one week of feeling NOT crappy and because me not ovulating can lead to cysts, ovarian issues and/or infertility, my doctor has prescribed clomid for me to start at the beginning of the next cycle. Let me tell you, there is NOTHING in the world like hearing you may not ever be able to conceive. It truly was not a great week for me and I am still struggling. I pray that after this first cycle I will know more. My doc plans to give me three cycles, starting at the lowest dose, and then upping it by 50mg until I either ovulate or I don’t. If I don’t, the next step is a MRI to check my tubes and ovaries. Hopefully we don’t have to go that far. My doctor suggested Jerad and I prepare either way, so it sounds like by her estimations it could go either way.

So, that’s where things are at! Thanks for checking in friends, your thoughts and prayers are much appreciated!

PS: One day soon I will update my blog. I only typed this all out because it was too much to tweet. Really, one day I will get around to it!

Not telling…

Maybe this post should be titled “Utterly Frustrated” as that’s what my mood has been for the past month or so. Why? Well I am so glad you asked, let me just tell you…

We are not yet telling friends and family we are TTC. Because of previous problems I have had we are not sure how long/difficult this journey is going to be and don’t need the extra pressure from parents and friends. Mostly parents. Anyways, as it turns out I might have ADDITONAL problems (yea!) that I will be going to see the doctor about on Friday. Since we are not telling anyone, I have no one to call and ask if this is normal and am stuck with a forum of wonderful women who have been very helpful (seriously!) and webMD. The most dangerous website on the internet for me. So far I have been completely convinced that I have had everything from cancer to cysts to ectopic pregnancy. Why, you might ask? Well that’s what happens when someone with borderline OCD pays super close attention to every sign/signal that their body is sending and is set loose on webMD. My husband is absolutely thrilled with my new hobby.

In the meantime, we have been checking into adoption, something that has been on my heart for awhile now. Specifically, down syndrome adoption. While starting paperwork I am reviewing requirements and notice that many countries require that neither parent have any medical issues (just ask my life insurance, unfortunately I have what is considered a “life threatening condition”) and cannot have been on any long-term medication. So, even though my asthma is well controlled and means nothing unusual to me, to the agency it may mean I am not fit to be a parent??? For the love of Pete. Don’t EVEN get me started on the meth-addicted couple we saw on 4^th of July about 7-8months pregnant drinking beer, smoking and partying like there was no tomorrow. They were quite the talk of the lake…yet my boring, loving, dual income, healthy, happy spouse and myself CLEARLY are not fit to be parents. Argh!

Last, but not least, speaking of that dual income…let’s just say I think my “psychic” ability might extend beyond pregnancy predictions. For those who don’t know, I have successfully predicted 6 pregnancies in friends of ours, even after not seeing some for 4 years. I refer to it as my completely useless talent. Anyways, right now I am blogging in the middle of the day because we are on a forced, un-paid, vacation from work. Our first of two this year. With all the drama going on right now, I am trying to keep my head up and be thankful I have a job (a challenge in itself, but that’s for another post). However, the signs are pointing towards a not so great ending for our company. I am praying for direction on this one, maybe this is the best possible solution. Sure has made for a lot of sleepless nights, which I am not proud to admit. I would like to say that my faith is strong enough to believe that we will make it through, however I am overwhelmed with so much right now, this just feels like the icing on top of the cake!

And on that LOVELY note, thanks for letting me bitch! Hopefully the rest of the week will look a little more positive and I will have good news to report after Friday!

Because it's my blog and I want to!

Ha, too bad the story isn't nearly as interesting as the title. Anyways, I follow a few authors on facebook and as a huge reader myself was disturbed to see the discussion surrounding the link below. Honestly, I can't ever remember my parents NOT allowing me to read something. Books were always sought after in my house and I think some of the most boring reading was done while at school. Kudos to this teacher for trying to take a little bit of modern literature and apply it to her students lives. Personally I have read two of these stories and see the application to teenagers more so than some of the books we had to read in school. I recently picked up a few books for a friends daughter who just had surgery and let me tell you 90% of the "teen section" had gossip girl, a vampire or a pregnant teen on the front cover. Not to mention the ones I did end up picking for her featured a murder mystery, shrouded in a drug cover up and a teen who switches places with a famous model written by one of the most popular adult-romance authors out there. I'm just sayin...at least they are reading!

UnionLeader.com - New Hampshire news, business and sports - Litchfield teacher resigns after
readings criticized - Saturday, Jun. 27, 2009

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7 Years Ago Today

I am bummed because as I was thinking of this post today I had this all planned out with my picture of me in my back brace- but unfortunately I can't find it! Dang it! So, after hours of looking I have decided to write it anyways.

7 years ago today, I was just graduating high school, looking forward to going to college in Seattle and wondering what lay ahead.

I never thought I would still be working to finish my degree and I could have never pictured what lay ahead.

7 years ago today, I was looking for more excitement than Littleton, CO and getting ready for my senior trip to Mexico.

If I had only known that "more excitement" meant Wichita, KS and that trip was not to be, at least not for me...

7 years ago today, I met the man that I thought was the one, the person I thought was the man of my dreams.

The Rascall Flatts Song "God Blessed the Broken Road" says it better than I can-

"Every long lost dream led me to where you are/Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars/Pointing me on my way into your loving arms” If only I knew that the best was yet to come and this man would play a part in leading me straight to my soul mate, my best friend, the love of my life.

7 years ago today, I thought 25 was old.

I wonder when I will feel old enough to be a “grown up”?

7 years ago today, I was a dancer, a daycare worker, a partier, a graduate.

Today I am a wife, a manager, an honor student and too busy to breathe most days, let alone work out or actually enjoy it again.

7 years ago today, I broke my back and that moment changed everything.

Even though it has been rough and not at all what I planned for myself, I wouldn’t change anything that has led me to where I am today and even though there are things I do wish that I could change, the most important things would never have happened without all of this, 7 years ago today.

New Thought

Ok I was thinking how funny it is today that numerous times I have talked about wanting to become a writer, maybe write about some of the hilarity that happens at my office (you know, the stuff I can't remember to post by the time I get home at the end of the day?) anyways, as much as I think that could be a great career, it would definitely be hampered by the fact that I hate writing. More than anything. If I could be a professional reader, (keep in mind, book reviewers have to write at some point) then I would be in heaven. I could blog surf all day for sure but when it comes time to work on mine, I got nothing! So I had a thought today, maybe I can start doing 365 days of the best quote I heard all day. Between the office, my husband and well, the office, I will definitely have material. Plus, I will only have to remember one quote- should be cake!

So, without further delay, this one comes from a sales guy/owner of my company:

"We are really wasting time trying to get a purchase order before we start working, this customer really just wants us to bill them after we finish the work" to which I wish I could say "dear mortgage company, I really think you are wasting your time trying to get money from me. please contact me again after I have lived here for a while and see if I feel like paying at that point."

Coincidence?

I keep starting to post and then get distracted with...(you'll never believe it) homework! Amazingly, while my awesome husband is busy re-doing our laundry room, I do believe I have done more homework this week than I have all semester. Weird... Although, as my honey pointed out, he has done more work this week than he has since we bought the house two years ago. Hmm...
Anyways, can't wait for my new washer and dryer (ok at this point I would take any washer and dryer that worked) and my beautiful laundry room!! Also can't wait for tomorrow to be over, we have Good Friday off and I am going to do some shopping! I haven't actually bought anything with my Christmas gift cards and we are heading to the nearest "big city" (as a Denver girl born and raised, I never thought I would have to go to the city to find a large mall!!) to find a dress for a friend's daughter's eight grade graduation. Can't wait!!

Tasty Tuesday

I never knew how much time one could really spend online until I started blog-xploring (?). I love it! I have found so many new blogs to follow, really I could do that instead of posting. Much more interesting! Maybe I will pick up a few pointers, who knows! Anyways, I love the idea of sharing recipes, I was so impressed with this one (we cooked it for Sunday dinner and I have had it for lunch every day since) that I had to share. It really is delicious and EASY! So I don't know how to properly quote a recipe, this is from Good Eats, Alton Brown's show on Food Network (side note, how did I get so lucky to marry a man who is definitely the best cook I know, hands down and loves to try every food network recipe imaginable?) Anyways, all credit goes to Alton...this is from the "Casserole Over" episode with a few minor changes noted:

Ingredients

• 1/2 cup (light) mayonnaise
• 1/2 cup plain (light) yogurt
• 1 1/4 cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese
• 1/3 cup blue cheese dressing
• 2 eggs
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 1/2 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper
• Flavor Pack from Ramen (We used Oriental flavor, they were yummy!)
• 6 cups broccoli, peeled stems and heads, chopped and blanched in salted water the (broccoli cooks and keeps good flavor in the casserole and we did not take the time to blanch it)
• 12 (we used 6 oz) ounces sliced mushrooms, Sauteed in 1 tablespoon butter
• 1 package chicken flavored Ramen noodles, broken up (We used Oriental flavor, just as delicious)

Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

In a bowl combine mayonnaise, yogurt, cheddar cheese, blue cheese dressing, eggs, salt, pepper, and flavor pack from noodles. In a separate bowl combine broccoli, mushrooms, and broken noodles then toss together wet mixture and vegetables to evenly coat. Place in an 8 by 8-inch baking dish that has been sprayed with non- stick cooking spray and cook for 45 minutes covered. Then remove cover and bake for additional 15 minutes to brown. (Sprinkle a handful of cheddar over the top) Cool for 15 minutes before serving.