Monday, July 6, 2009

Not telling…

Maybe this post should be titled “Utterly Frustrated” as that’s what my mood has been for the past month or so. Why? Well I am so glad you asked, let me just tell you…

We are not yet telling friends and family we are TTC. Because of previous problems I have had we are not sure how long/difficult this journey is going to be and don’t need the extra pressure from parents and friends. Mostly parents. Anyways, as it turns out I might have ADDITONAL problems (yea!) that I will be going to see the doctor about on Friday. Since we are not telling anyone, I have no one to call and ask if this is normal and am stuck with a forum of wonderful women who have been very helpful (seriously!) and webMD. The most dangerous website on the internet for me. So far I have been completely convinced that I have had everything from cancer to cysts to ectopic pregnancy. Why, you might ask? Well that’s what happens when someone with borderline OCD pays super close attention to every sign/signal that their body is sending and is set loose on webMD. My husband is absolutely thrilled with my new hobby.

In the meantime, we have been checking into adoption, something that has been on my heart for awhile now. Specifically, down syndrome adoption. While starting paperwork I am reviewing requirements and notice that many countries require that neither parent have any medical issues (just ask my life insurance, unfortunately I have what is considered a “life threatening condition”) and cannot have been on any long-term medication. So, even though my asthma is well controlled and means nothing unusual to me, to the agency it may mean I am not fit to be a parent??? For the love of Pete. Don’t EVEN get me started on the meth-addicted couple we saw on 4th of July about 7-8months pregnant drinking beer, smoking and partying like there was no tomorrow. They were quite the talk of the lake…yet my boring, loving, dual income, healthy, happy spouse and myself CLEARLY are not fit to be parents. Argh!

Last, but not least, speaking of that dual income…let’s just say I think my “psychic” ability might extend beyond pregnancy predictions. For those who don’t know, I have successfully predicted 6 pregnancies in friends of ours, even after not seeing some for 4 years. I refer to it as my completely useless talent. Anyways, right now I am blogging in the middle of the day because we are on a forced, un-paid, vacation from work. Our first of two this year. With all the drama going on right now, I am trying to keep my head up and be thankful I have a job (a challenge in itself, but that’s for another post). However, the signs are pointing towards a not so great ending for our company. I am praying for direction on this one, maybe this is the best possible solution. Sure has made for a lot of sleepless nights, which I am not proud to admit. I would like to say that my faith is strong enough to believe that we will make it through, however I am overwhelmed with so much right now, this just feels like the icing on top of the cake!

And on that LOVELY note, thanks for letting me bitch! Hopefully the rest of the week will look a little more positive and I will have good news to report after Friday!